Soul Searching

I think that it's fair to say that I was a reluctant opponent of the Iraq War. When friends of mine were going off to New York or Washington to protest, I sat at home. When others were writing angry letters, posting to blogs, and otherwise making their voice heard, I kept largely silent. Understand, I did not support the idea of the then-upcoming war in Iraq. I did, however, strongly support the war against the Taliban and Al Queda in Afghanistan, and I maintain to this day that I could have been convinced with regard to the war in Iraq. You could say I largely agreed with Thomas Friedman that there were good reasons for going to war with Saddam Hussein's regime but I parted ways with Friedman when he placed his trust in the Bush Administration to successfully and righteously prosecute the war effort.

Looking back, I had three major reservations with the Iraq war. First, I was not at all convinced that our mission in Afghanistan was complete. While I agreed with President Bush that toppling the Taliban could not be the only battle in the "Global War on Terror," I was extremely concerned that a shifting of resources away from Afghanistan that early was a recipe for trouble. Second, I harbored a healthy skepticism that Iraqi regime change was really the next logical step in undermining terrorism worldwide. Third, as I said above, I simply did not trust the Bush Administration to do this job well.

Taking all this into consideration, I planted myself firmly in the anti-war camp. In truth, I only came to this final judgment on the day the war actually started. So, yes, a reluctant opponent. Deep down, I have to admit that I wanted to believe in this war. I think many people did and many people still do. I wanted to believe in that myth we all created about Bush's "strong leadership" after Sept. 11. For many people (those with more foresight than I had, and lots more than Thomas Friedman had), the President's seemingly single-minded focus on Saddam Hussein broke the spell in the fall of '02. For me, I still clung by a slim thread to a part of that myth until the first bombs dropped.

Now, in late spring of '04, we are all at a crossroads. Us reluctant opponents, along with hard-core anti-war activists, as well as reluctant supporters and even semi-conflicted supporters all stand together at this junction. We all had reservations. Some had more than others. But now, with things in Iraq seemingly spinning out of control, we are back to where we started. We again have to decide how much stock to place in those reservations.

I understand the tendency to look back and wish we had all placed more faith in that little voice in our heads saying, "Hold on there..." For the war opponents, I understand the temptation to play the, "I knew it all along" card. In some ways, we all want to avoid making the same mistakes over again. If we silenced or marginalized our own concerns in favor of national unity or support for the President, or simply because, in our calculus, the benefits outweighed the costs, and now it seems we should have added it up differently, then we certainly don't want to undervalue our skepticism again.

When President Bush and Senator Kerry talk about staying the course, I can feel that same feeling I had a year and a half ago. That little voice starts screaming, "hold on there," and yet...

We probably made a mistake in invading Iraq when and how we did. We have undoubtedly made many mistakes since then. We will make more mistakes (even ones as bad as Abu Ghraib and the Wedding bombing). And yet...

President Bush has, in my humble opinion, betrayed the public trust. He has further mismanaged the war effort while simultaneously subsuming security concerns to domestic political ones. And yet...

There are no easy answers here. Pulling out is no answer. Staying the course is no answer.

I'd love to hear some of our leaders go through some of the same soul searching. It's time to really start digging deep.